Happy Anniversary!!!

Today is my 6th anniversary of marriage to my incredible husband. It's probably my favorite day of the year! We're in Savannah, Georgia celebrating this weekend, but I couldn't let the day go by without telling you some of the 6 greatest things about our marriage.

1) I was chosen by God for Vernon and He was chosen by God for me. God brought us together at the perfect time in our lives and has richly blessed our union as something only He can ordain and bless. He built our relationship on a firm foundation.

2) I love my husband so much more today than I ever did the day I married him. God has strengthened and unified our relationship in every way. He has brought us through highs and lows, and has deepened the feelings He ignited in us so long ago.

3) I have FUN with my husband! He is the most fun person I know. I laugh and laugh with him. I truly enjoy his company.

4) I love that I continue to get to know my husband, study him and learn him. He's new all the time, yet always the same. It's a comfort to know that we will always be moving forward, but with kind familiarity. Constant, yet changing. I love that.

5) Vernon is more than just my partner and companion, but those words are a perfect description as well. He's more than a friend and more than a lover, yet those words also define who he is for me. He is my beloved and I am his, yet there still seems to be something more that I could call him.

6) I love that pregnancy has only intensified our deep love for one another. I love seeing him grow into fatherhood already. I love seeing him lead, not only me, but our family. I love the levels of an even deeper trust that we're finding in this journey together.

Happy Anniversary, my love! I still choose you.

Something Excellent to Hear

I've referenced our journey and struggle with infertility throughout this blog on different occasions and tried to put into words what that journey has looked like and felt like for me. My beautiful sister-in-law Jill told me I should listen to a lesson that one of their pastor's wives shared a few weeks ago because she knew I would just love it and relate to it. I had no idea what the topic was, or what I was about to listen to, but I listen to anything that Jill sends my way because it's always a blessing. Little did I know that I would find a message that puts so many of my thoughts and feelings about our journey and struggle with infertility in one place.

What a blessing this message from Crystal Quebe was to me! What a blessing to hear and understand! What a blessing to have another's words say what I have found to be true in my life! Our stories sound a little bit differently, but yet they look exactly the same . . . absolutely beautiful and full of God's glory!

I remember the day my attitude toward our situation began to change. Among all the other advice and encouragement of "It will happen! You will have a baby some day! Just let go, and let God!", (which was often painful to me) a precious, precious friend was the only one who had the courage to tell me that it just might not happen; that I might live a life without children, but not a life without beauty or meaning. I believed her because that is the story of her life . . . a life without biological children, but an incredibly beautiful life, FULL of meaning and God's glory. Oh, how God used her to grab my attention and find Him in the pit! And, oh how the minute I saw Him, He fought with all of His might to pull me out of that pit!

This message speaks directly to a struggle with infertility, but it speaks globally to all kinds of suffering. Listen to it here by clicking on "Defining Moments: Part 2 by Crystal Quebe" once you arrive on the page and be blessed.

Enjoy her sweet Texas twang as you listen too! It's riiiiiiiiiiiight wonderful! :) And yes, I come by it honestly . . . that's how you say "right" where I'm from . . . couldn't change it if I tried!

Our Fourth Childbirth Class

Our class last night was pretty fun. We had a visiting couple that is normally in one of her other classes but missed a night, so their presence made everything just a smidge more fun. Wish they could be there all the time. Although, I do have to say I was much more self-conscious doing my labor practice with them right there beside me! And, my giggle box got turned on a little bit in the labor practice, so that made me even more aware that we were not alone! The good part about that though was that she had another couple to focus on while I tried to turn the giggle box off. Thank goodness the giggle box didn't get to going as badly tonight as it did the other night while Vernon and I were doing our relaxation technique . . . I think that night we almost had to just give up on the whole thing because I couldn't quit laughing.

Our class last night focused on our birth plan. I'm of two minds on the whole birth plan idea . . . 1) She brought up a lot of good questions to ask my doctor that I would like to know the answers to, but . . . 2) I don't think I want to go to the hospital with set expectations. I definitely would like to have the questions answered because knowledge is power, baby! I want to know what I think about the answers I receive as well. However, to come up with a plan for something that I've never experienced and something that I don't know any definites about how things will progress along, just seems a little bit strange to me. And, it seems like I could easily be disappointed if I came up with a plan that just didn't work out. Have I mentioned how desperately I want to avoid disappointment in this whole thing??? I don't want to miss the blessing of giving birth in any way because I set my mind on something. I want my eyes open to where the blessing is!

I think this is one of the down-sides to taking the class this far away from my due date . . . again, I just don't feel a ton of motivation right this minute to come up with even the most basic birth plan. Beyond, "Leave the hospital with a healthy baby and a healthy Mama", I'm pretty much out. Then again, one of the up-sides of taking the class so far from my due date is that I have a long time to mull things over. I have a lot of doctor's appointments between now and then to find out the answers to my questions without completely bombarding him and hitting him over the head with my "Bradley method plan". He and I both have a lot of time to see where the other one is on the whole topic and find some ideal, yet realistic solutions. That's comforting to me.

We watched a much more graphic birthing video last night as well. It's funny how much less disturbing that whole thing is to both me and Vernon now that we know that is definitely in our future! She was very peaceful. Not really full of joy like the ladies in the last video, but peaceful is definitely a good thing. One of the things that I've noticed in these videos is that there is always a mention of God somewhere and that most of these ladies do indeed incorporate their faith in God into this process. I just like that. I often wonder how our instructor really feels about that though because I get the impression that is not her motivation in all of this. Anyway, it's just encouraging to see as a woman who most definitely is drawing on her faith to experience giving birth.

One final thought on the video and then I think that's about it for last night's class . . . this lady was in 2nd stage labor, pushing, completely exposed in the nether regions for all of us to see, and she asked her minister and his wife to come in and say hello, along with their young daughter, and then witness the birth. Oh. My. Goodness. Scotty and Kathy, you'll be VERY glad to know that you will NOT be invited to come in the room while ANY part of me is exposed in any way!!! You can meet Ian AFTER, and I mean WAY after, he is in the world and I've had plenty of time to put all of my clothes back on. I think that's bringing your faith into the process a little bit too much, but that's just me! TMI, people, TMI.

The Feathering Continues

I finally was able to spend some time sewing for Ian's room over the weekend. So much fun! I got his curtains made and they turned out even cuter than what I was imagining!

A long time ago, my sweet friend Martha gave me some lining fabric on a bolt and I've been using it to line all of Ian's stuff in his room. I thought I had more than enough to make full length curtains, but I miscalculated. That got the wheels turning for what I could do with what I had and I decided a valance was a great compromise. As soon as I was finished, the word compromise flew out the window . . . they turned out so much better and are just dreamy to me!!! I put them on top of the curtains that I already have hanging in the room and I love the extra layer of texture and dimension. They are more than I wanted and I'm beyond thrilled with them. I literally sat and looked at them for half an hour after my sweet husband hung them for me. It's just ridiculous! And, what is even more ridiculous is that I probably would've sat there longer if we wouldn't have had to leave to go to a friends house.

Loving my sweet nest for my sweet boy!!!

Our Third Childbirth Class

Last night in our class we went over the first and second stages of labor. It was good to get an idea of what each stage should look like.

Our workbook has an overview that I think is very interesting because it covers where you are in the birthing process as evidenced by not only physical reactions, but emotional reactions as well. Again, it's very interesting! It was also comforting because for me, it seemed to break the birthing process down into manageable steps. Granted, I realize that when I'm actually in the process, it may not FEEL that way, but I'm glad for this time to prepare my mind that it IS that way. I love that the workbook reminds me that in the moments that I feel like I can't handle labor any longer is right when the next step comes that will give me some relief. That's true in life, so it stands to reason that would be true in the birthing process.

The workbook said that at one point, you just have to surrender to what your body is doing and let it do it's thing. That struck me probably more than anything else that was said last night. I guess it struck me because as a woman of faith, surrender is something I strive for in my everyday life . . . surrender to the Holy Spirit and His work in my spiritual body as well as my physical body. My belief that every woman has the power and wisdom inside of her to give birth is based in my belief in the powerful, sustaining work of the Holy Spirit. It was good for me to be reminded that I will have to surrender. As with all things in my life, I will need the Spirit to guide me, strengthen me, sustain me and equip me to do this good work . . . surrender.

I'm feeling more and more confident that I will be able to give birth naturally, and that confidence excites me. But to be honest, I want to keep myself balanced in this and remember that ANY birthing experience I have will be a blessing and exactly what I need. I know that the Lord wants to bless me in my birthing process, but I can't say that I know exactly what that looks like. I never want to get to a place where I don't willingly take the guidance and direction of my doctor, who is a true blessing to me and also someone I deeply trust, because I become overly confident in what I want to happen in this birthing process. I know that the Lord has equipped my doctor and my nurses with knowledge, wisdom and sensibility. I want to always recognize the blessing and tools they are for me. As with everything in life, balance is the key!

Obviously, I'm still quite a ways away from actually going through these first and second stages of labor, so she said we'll cover them again before the class ends. I'll be excited to see what my thoughts are once I'm closer to the jumping off point, but again, I'm excited to have these months to get my mind processing the ideas of surrender, confidence and balance going into our birthing process. I'm feeling more and more armed and that most definitely fulfills my expectations of this class.

Look who I've seen this week!

I love, love, LOVE seeing my sweet boy! I also love that my doctor has given me plenty of opportunities to do so. On Wednesday, we had another ultrasound and got to see Ian's sweet face again. He is just so cute!!! And, he's getting big too . . . already 1 1/2 pounds! Apparently, he's weighing in within the 61st percentile. Didn't realize they would already be comparing him with all the other babies in America, but it's kinda fun to know. Sadly, they didn't tell me how tall he is. They did say that he is perfect though, which clearly means they are brilliant! Look at this sweet face . . . I'm telling you, I even love the full-on skeleton face!

I've been running around doing all kinds of stuff for the last several days, so yesterday I was feeling a bit tired and ready for a day of rest. It was the GREATEST day EVER!!! I spent the afternoon on the couch watching movies, and apparently, that was exactly what Ian had been needing . . . he was so excited for us to be resting that he just kicked away all afternoon and had a huge party in there. I enjoyed EVERY minute of feeling him dance and imagining what all he was doing in there. What a sweet day of taking him all in!

Ian is looking super cute on the outside too. That 1 1/2 pounds is definitely showing! I know that a lot of women don't feel their prettiest when they're pregnant, but I personally think I look real cute! I'm SO thankful for that too. I love my growing belly and think it's getting cuter and cuter as we go along. Here we are one day shy of being 24 weeks along. We're gettin' there!

Our Second Childbirth Class

Yes, you will probably get an update on our childbirth class every week until they're over. But once again, this is just a way for me to process all that I'm learning, so skip this post if you want.

Our second class wasn't quite as good as our first one, to be honest. I continue to like our instructor, but she definitely became more vocal about some of her beliefs when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. For instance, she believes that ultrasounds aren't really okay, including the fetal monitor during labor. What??? I have NEVER heard that one before, but now I have a nice long article on the topic. She understands that doctors feel they are necessary to check on the growth and development of the baby, but she doesn't feel like they are safe. She also believes it's a horrible idea to have "vanity ultrasounds" like 4D ultrasounds or ultrasounds to find out the sex of your baby. Obviously, she knows we have already had ultrasounds done (we'll have another one tomorrow - love our doctor!), but we did decide to keep the fact that we're DEFINITELY doing the 4D ultrasound at some point to ourselves. I'm totally okay with the whole ultrasound thing!

She also told us more about her personal beliefs about nutrition . . . a lot of the stuff I've heard or read about lunch meats, artificial sweeteners, fish, etc. I pretty much ignored this part because I know how I feel about all of that and have a doctor that has been COMPLETELY supportive in those decisions - even helped form a lot of my decisions. Basically, I'm not a nervous mom when it comes to what I eat. I prefer to avoid artificial sweeteners in real life, so that hasn't really changed, but I don't worry if I accidentally get some. And I've never once gotten sick off lunch meat, or know anyone who has, so I'm still good with that one too. Really, the only thing my doctor did ask me to stay away from was all of the "big" fish, including salmon. Ironically, she told me that most of those were okay and to only stay away from the "predator" fish. Needless to say, I was looking forward to getting past this part of the class.

Now on to the good stuff . . . We got to talk a lot about Vernon's role during the birthing process. She asked us a lot of good questions and got us thinking about a lot of things we hadn't considered. It's funny what you don't think about when you're a first time mom getting ready for this kind of stuff . . . like what are we going to do when I desperately need Vernon to be by my side and he desperately needs to go to the bathroom? Anyway, it got Vernon thinking about a "back-up" plan. We also started thinking about what it will look like for me to have false labor and how that will effect Vernon at work. Lots of good things to think through and come up with a plan! It makes me VERY happy we have a workbook with all of these things written down in them for us to reference again. We all know I certainly can't remember these things for too long of a time period!

The other thing that I LOVED about this class was the video that we watched. The name of the video is "Childbirth For the Joy of It". Not sure where or how someone can watch it. Anyway, it was straight from the 70's and it showed the natural, drug-free deliveries of 5 different babies. Since it was from the 70's it was all very modest. What grabbed my attention though is that they were very calm deliveries. Having a mom who was a lamaze teacher, I have seen some childbirth videos. They weren't much like this . . . much more graphic, not quite as calm. While I have to keep in mind that I saw these other videos as a young girl, nowhere near having children, and that fact probably made them a little bit more disturbing; I'm also aware that the graphic, not-as-calm videos are also real life. It was just so nice to see births that were very calm and relaxed. Not only were these births calm, they were FULL of joy! Seriously, these women were so giddy about giving birth and feeling their baby come through their bodies. Some of them were almost euphoric. It was just a beautiful thing to see, to be honest. As I watched, I just kept praying that I would have that kind of joy in giving birth to my sweet boy. My pregnancy has been so joyous thus far and I deeply desire a joyous birth, whatever that looks like. This video definitely encouraged me to continue my prayers for a joyful and exciting birthing process.

I get to increase my exercises this week, keep working on getting my protein numbers high and keep working on physical relaxation. In a week or so, we'll add in mental relaxation techniques as well. I'm looking forward to that. Overall, the class last night was beneficial, I just had to get past all of the "junk" that I had to sift out. There is definitely a "sifting through" process with a lot of the information, but I'm glad to get all the goody out of it and leave the rest behind. I also need to order our list of recommended books . . . guess I should quit blogging and get on that! In case you're curious as to what they are though, here's the list:

"Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" by Susan McCutcheon
"Husband-Coached Childbirth" by Robert Bradley, MD
"The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" by La Leche League International
"The Baby Book" by William Sears, MD and Martha Sears, RN

A Happy Halloween!

Hope you all had a great Halloween! We sure did! It's been a super busy week, but it's been a super great week.

On Wednesday, we had our Fall Fandago at church. This year was by far the best Fall Fandago we've ever had. There were so many wonderful visitors, we had the best selection of chili to eat, tons of cute and yummy cupcakes, our usual parade of Bible characters, hayrides, bouncers for the kids and our first Trunk-or-Treat . . . a true Fall Fandago success!!!

For our parade of Bible characters, the kids come up to the stage and give the adults three clues for us to guess who they are. My very favorite was my friend, Nicholas. I don't have a picture of this cutie, but here's the gist of it . . . a Thomas the Train costume with the clues, "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. Well, I'm not sure. Can I? Maybe I can." Which Bible character was he? None other than doubting Thomas. SO creative and fun!!!

Click on Collage to Enlarge

Our other fun for Halloween this year was hosting a baby girl shower for a very dear friend. Amanda is having her third baby in December and she REALLY didn't want anyone to fuss over her and have a big shower. However, she is in our Care Group at church and we knew that just wasn't okay, so we FINALLY convinced her that the girls in our small group needed to have a something quaint and fun for her.

With a baby girl shower actually on Halloween, we chose pink and orange as our color scheme. Fabulous!!! A delicious brunch of quiche, sausages, biscuits, fruit salad and cupcakes was the perfect menu for our day. It was fun to have everyone bring one of the dishes to eat and get everyones special touch on this fun party. We have a really fun group of girls in our Care Group, so naturally there was A LOT of laughter to fill the house. It was so wonderful to be able to celebrate the birth of this precious baby with a sweet friend!

Click on Collage to Enlarge

We had some excellent Trick-or-Treaters tonight as Vernon and I watched tv together and enjoyed our evening. What a great Halloween! So much fun, so many festivities, so much to enjoy about today!

First Thoughts on Our Childbirth Class

So we started our childbirth class last night. It's very interesting! I think we're going to learn quite a lot of good lessons on top of a lot of good information. I'm mostly writing down my thoughts for me so that I can process through everything better, but if you decide to continue reading, maybe it will be interesting and encouraging to you as well.

The first lesson I learned is that I really shouldn't judge people by their appearances. At first glance, our instructor wasn't exactly what I expected with her multi-colored hair, which to be honest, immediately threw me off a bit. It didn't take too long to get past though because she's genuine, kind and just likable. She has a beautiful and sweet 13 year old daughter and I think I'm really going to enjoy getting to know them.

In our first class, we mostly just covered exercises I need to be doing every day, as well as nutrition. The exercises include walking, tailor sitting, squatting, pelvic rocking, butterflies, kegels and relaxation. It's going to take some reminders and thought to get all of these exercises in, but they really don't take long and aren't too terribly difficult. I just have to remember to do them! Obviously, I feel like the exercises will be beneficial, but I'm most intrigued and excited about the relaxation part.

This first week, Vernon and I are supposed to figure out what positions I'm most relaxed in and he is supposed to observe my body to see where and how I tense up. As he observes, he is supposed to talk me through loosening my muscles and completely relaxing, as well as using light massage or touch in assisting me to relax. And, it works! Tonight as we were doing our exercise, I thought I was relaxed, but Vernon could tell that I was still carrying tension in my shoulders and talked me through completely relaxing them. I'm so excited about this for a couple of reasons: 1) I think this is going to be a beneficial life lesson to learn. Not only am I supposed to do this relaxation with Vernon coaching me, I'm supposed to do one round of relaxation by myself to teach myself how to truly relax my muscles and body . . . learning how to tune in to my own body. After doing the relaxation stuff tonight with Vernon, I am even noticing how much I tense up just as I'm typing. This really is going to be a WONDERFUL thing for me! 2) I also feel like this is going to be a great lesson in submission for me. It is typically a fairly easy thing for me to submit to Vernon because I deeply trust him, but I can tell this is going to take that to another level. In this relaxation exercise, I have to listen to him - to what he sees and feels in order to make my body do what it should do - and I think this just adds a level of submission that I'm looking forward to attaining. Vernon and I talked about how we're a step ahead of some people in this because it will be easier for me to listen to him and trust him in this because we already have a loving, respectful relationship. While I think that we are a step ahead in this area, I know there is more to be learned and I'm looking forward to that. I can see how labor can definitely challenge that trust, so I'm excited about our months of practicing and allowing my husband to lead me and encourage my body in working the way it's supposed to.

On to nutrition. I'll be honest in that I was DREADING this part of the class! Most of the things I have read or heard about how to eat during pregnancy is just ridiculous and unrealistic to me. I've worked very hard to not allow what I've heard to make me feel guilty about my food choices and for the most part, I have been successful in that. I have trusted that my body will ask for what it needs. So, my anxiety going into the nutrition part of the class was just in that I would have to keep reminding myself that my body knew what to do and to just trust that over and over again as I listened. Let me tell you that this program teaches things about nutrition in pregnancy that I have NEVER heard before! My mom has never heard them either and she worked in this business for many years. It was such a wonderful relief and a blessing to hear!

The Bradley method of childbirth takes it's teaching on nutrition from Dr. Thomas Brewer. His number one primary goal in nutrition during pregnancy is getting 75 to 100 grams of protein every day. He prefers for you to get most of it through milk and eggs, since they are whole foods, but he'll take it any way he can get it. The brilliant man even said in his video, "If a pregnant woman wants a candy bar, then just have one with nuts in it so it has some protein added." Love it!!! Of course he emphasizes that should not be the only protein we get (how could you get 75 to 100 grams on just peanut M&M's?) but he's realistic in his expectations and I deeply appreciate that! He also stresses that pregnant women need plenty of salt in their diet and that a lack of salt is often the cause of edema (or swelling) in a lot of pregnant women. I've never met another doctor who actually encourages pregnant women to eat salt! He was also realistic about weight gain during pregnancy. He says that a lot of weight gain due to eating high amounts of protein is never bad during pregnancy and should never be scolded or looked down on. He says the reality of the situation is that all women gain weight differently, some need to gain more than others and that really, no doctor truly knows how much weight a woman should gain during pregnancy. Of course he talks about fruits, vegetables and grains as being important and a part of a good diet, but his main focus is on protein.

I just thought he was refreshing! Women just don't hear that much encouraging news about nutrition these days during pregnancy and I think it's sad. It was also encouraging to me to know that I have indeed been doing the right thing in listening to my body . . . protein is what I have craved my entire pregnancy! I was asked to start paying attention to my protein intake and today, without grocery shopping or doing anything differently than before, I ate a total of 85.3 grams of protein. (3 of those protein grams did indeed come from guilt-free peanut M&M's!) That's astounding to me! In fact, without grocery shopping, I checked off everything on my list of recommended things to eat except the vegetables and 1 egg (he recommends 2 eggs a day). This Mama feels like such a good provider of good food to my sweet boy today! What a blessing!!!

I'm excited to see what all we take on next week. I know my exercises will increase in number and we'll learn another relaxation technique, but other than that, I have no idea what is in store for us. I just feel like we're getting a lot of good information and that is definitely what we were after! We're the only couple in the class since the other couple backed out at the last minute, and she's going to have to cut the class to just 7 weeks total, but I still feel like it is the right class for us to be a part of.

My mom offered good advice that taking a class this early might be difficult in that I don't feel the urgency, and therefore motivation, for doing my exercises and things, and I'll admit that I was easily distracted by life today and didn't get all of my exercises done. So, if you see me, please ask me if I'm doing my exercises! I know they're important . . . I just need the brain power to remember to do them!

The Halloween Decor

Since I'm pregnant and didn't want to haul all of my Halloween decorations up the stairs, I decided just to decorate modestly for Halloween this year. Part of me has enjoyed the break from holiday decorating and part of me really misses my festive decor being out for me to enjoy. What makes it bearable for me though is that almost everything that is out on display is stuff that I bought at the post-halloween sales last year, so it's all new and fun. It's especially fun to think about getting most of it for 90% off!!!

I can't wait to see what I can find at the post-halloween sales this year (or in just a few days)! I got to play Bunko at my friend Melanie's house the other night and her Halloween decorations are just the most fun EVER!!! I've seriously got to get this girl blogging so you can all be amazed by her talent! Her regular decor is simply outstanding and her holiday decor is just unbelievable! I love her for a whole lot of reasons, but decorating inspiration is definitely one of them. Anyway, I always leave her Halloween-decorated house with lots of ideas and excitement for the upcoming sales.

Take a peek at my decor for this year. I've still got my "Wicked" sign on my front door that I put out every year, but other than that and my table linens, it's all new, fun and fresh! Can't wait for our Fall Fandago party at church on the 28th and our Trick-or-Treaters on the 31st!!! Too much fun!!!